Non-reality was black, and it didn’t hurt so much. Reality was red, and it felt like I was being sawed in half, hit by a bus, punched by a prize fighter, trampled by bulls, and submerged in acid, all at the same time. Reality was feeling my body twist and flip when I couldn’t possibly move because of the pain. Reality was knowing there was something so much more important than all this torture, and not being able to remember what it was. Reality had come on so fast.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.369
Her tiny face was so absolutely perfect that it stunned me. She was even more beautiful than her father. Unbelievable. Impossible.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.372
If I did the easy thing now, let the black nothingness erase me, I would hurt them. Edward. Edward. My life and his were twisted into a single strand. Cut one, and you cut both. If he were gone, I would not be able to live through that. If I were gone, he wouldn’t like through it, either. And a world without Edward seemed completely pointless. Edward had to exist. Jacob – who’d said goodbye to me over and over but kept coming back when I needed him. Jacob, who I’d wounded so many times it was criminal. Would I hurt him again, in the worst way yet? He’d stayed for me, despite everything. Now all he asked was that I stay for him.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.373
It was sort of the pattern to my life – I’d never been strong enough to deal with the things outside my control, to attack the enemies or outrun them. To avoid the pain. Always human and weak, the only thing I’d ever been able to do was keep going. Endure. Survive. It had been enough up to this point. It would have to be enough today. I would endure this until help came. I knew Edward would be doing everything he could. He would not give up. Neither would I.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.374
I had done it. Against the odds, I had been strong enough to survive Renesmee, to hold on to her until she was strong enough to live without me.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.375
I hadn’t guessed that the morphine would have this effect – that it would pin me down and gag me. Hold me paralyzed while I burned. I knew all the stories. I knew that Carlisle had kept quiet enough to avoid discovery while he burned. I knew that, according to Rosalie, it did no good to scream. And I’d hoped that maybe I could be like Carlisle. That I would believe Rosalie’s words and keep my mouth shut. Because I knew that every scream that escaped my lips would torment Edward. Now it seemed like a hideous joke that I was getting my wish fulfilled. If I couldn’t scream, how could I tell them to kill me?
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.377
Though the fire did not decrease one tiny degree – in fact, I began to develop a new capacity for experiencing it, a new sensitivity to appreciate, separately, each blistering tongue of flame that licked through my veins – I discovered that I could think around it. I could remember why I shouldn’t scream. I could remember the reason why I’d committed to enduring this unendurable agony. I could remember that, though it felt impossible now, there was something that might be worth the torture.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.378
It was harder not to answer this voice, but I stayed paralyzed. I knew that the pain in his voice now was nothing compared to what it could be. Right now he only feared that I was suffering.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.380
Bella, I love you. Bella, I’m sorry.
Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.380
I’m sure she’ll surprise me. She always does.
Edward Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.381
She’s going to be dazzling.
Alice Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.383
Edward didn’t answer, but Alice’s words gave me hope that maybe I didn’t resemble the charcoal briquette I felt like. It seemed as if I must be just a pile of charred bones by now. Every cell in my body had been razed to ash.
Bella Cullen, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 19, p.383
